When sitting down and finally putting a plan to my dream in starting a blog, I got caught up with staying on track, niches and finding consistency in what I wanted to weight some insight on. Let’s be honest here– I could write a play by play tutorial for how to fishtail braid, followed by a dissertation on why relationships with emotionally unavailable men will only continue to leave you starving. Relationships (connections) and fashion pour out of my being, every. single. day. But what about the hard stuff? What category does that fall into?

 

What about the painful times most of us don’t want to openly talk about or admit? This could speak true to anything we may be going through.

 

I’m currently in the middle of battling with something extremely painful.

I’ve cried to friends, been hugged a little tighter, and am so grateful for those who do everything in their power to show me the light when things do get a bit dark. If there’s one thing I want to be cognoscenti of, it’s that I’m supposed to be leaning into the present moment. Soaking up every second of it. Good and bad.

 

My grandfather “Pappy” has been such a huge part of my life. He built me 3 treehouses from the ground up, gave me an ear for soul music, and always reminded me that not taking things too seriously is the real key to life. Although we may not see to eye to eye on all subject matters, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s always been mine. In my mind, he will always be this 50 year-young grandpa in a white dodge colt, who enjoyed rolling up his sleeves and fixing whatever in my life that needed to be fixed (barbies and even bike tires). Currently, our roles have reversed, as I’m trying to give him all the help and support he needs as he is slowly losing touch with reality due to dementia.

 

I guess I never really gave too much thought to the years passing by. When I was younger I prayed for the day I would be older (to do cool sh*t like drink green beer on st patty’s day) but as I get older, I’m noticing all my favorite pets, friends and family members are aging as well. If there’s anything that brings me to Niagara Falls waterworks at the drop of a hat, it’s the thought of losing each one of them.

Pain is pain. There is no way to categorize it. It aches and tears in the same way. It does not discriminate, and will leave you in some of the most uncomfortable places you’ve ever been. If there’s something to be said about tough times, it’s that they don’t last long. And even in the thick of any painful storm, here are some helpful rules I’ve personally found to help keep me afloat.

1. Cry it out. Whether it’s on the freeway to work bumping Sam Smith at 8 am, or in the middle of a plank on the mat at the gym. There is something magical about release. Grieving is heavy. I still to this day am grieving relationships, both romantic and platonic. Feel all you need to feel, and let the pain go. This is a part of life, and the most willing we are to feel, the sooner we are able to accept.
2. Surround yourself with great company. Have you ever met friends/family members that feed your soul? Yeah, those mother*ckers are rare, like some flying fish (swear it’s a real thing, look it up). Spend some time with them. Get outside, share some eats, hell sit on the couch and stare at each other. Pick up the phone and make plans to be around people who make you feel your best. I never realized how much this time well spent truly helps us heal. Gratefulness is a quality that will seep throughout your life the second you start acknowledging it. Be grateful for these relationships.
3. Accept. Accepting that my grandfather is getting older and may not remember specific details about my life is difficult. Accepting that someone you love cannot love you in a way you deserve to be loved is challenging. But acknowledging that situations are what they truly are, is power. I cannot turn back the hands of time to satisfy my memory of who my Pappy was. I also cannot magically transform my ex into an emotionally available being. That’s not how this works. Embrace reality, as my beloved inspirational soul sister, Natasha Adamo, would say, “Arguing with reality is the cockblock of acceptance.” This was personally always my toughest battle. The more I read Natasha’s words, the more I realized how consciously and subconsciously I was choosing to live in the land of nostalgia, and digging deeper into the hole of shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Little did I know at the time, I was fighting the inevitable…the reality of what was.

 

Unfortunately, there is no set amount of time, or math equation to guide you through the process of tough times. There is no exact outcome of what it will look like, what is ahead of you, or what measures you will need to take to make it out of the storm in one piece. I can promise that one day you will wake up without even realizing what huge strides you’ve made, to find in the mirror an even more resilient version of yourself you didn’t even know existed.

 

Love yourself a little more. Lean into all the feels, but never let them stay too long. Don’t let the past deprive you of the present moment, and when you can’t seem to catch a break, start counting all the reasons you haven’t stopped.

To all those in the storm, chin up. I believe in you.

xx katlyn