If I was to join a group of people who met weekly to discuss their addictions, my group would be called Recyclers Anonymous. ‘RA’ for short.

I’m definitely not referring to plastic water bottles and aluminum cans (btw I do recycle, because I love this planet). I’m talkin’ recycling men. Yes, it’s not something I’m particularly proud of in my past assortment of relationships. I didn’t even realize until I was in my late 20’s that I was actually doing it consistently as if it was this pattern engrained in me. There was something comforting in not having to relearn someone. Plus, I despised online dating and if I had received one more DM from some Creeper McCreeperson slide in on one of those apps along the lines of “Hi Kat! Beautiful teeth. What’s your favorite food?” I was going to lose my f*cking mind.

The online dating world made me sad. It was a mix of aggressive pretentious ‘Entrepreneurs’ and sweet souls in desperation for love. It seemed there were two extremes and some of which fell in between. Regardless, even after being vulnerable enough to go on a couple of these dates ( I snuck out the window of a restaurant on one of them) I was always quick to learn that I would miraculously end up back with a gentleman of my past. If I’m going to date, it may as well be with someone I know I’ll have a great time with, right?

I internally battled the backflash from my friends in rekindling old relationships, but it was my life and I was going to do what I wanted to do. None of these men has physically harmed me, cheated on me, or had done something so outrageous that we couldn’t have a face to face conversation again. Don’t get me wrong, there definitely were childlike behaviors in the ending of these relationships. Which most likely was the corporate in causing unresolved feelings to linger and strangely continue to string us together in some way. Clearly these men brought something special each in their own way to my life. But was this just a vicious cycle I had created or was the timing on point and we were really ready to give us another shot?

After another soiree with a man I had been off and on with for several years had come to a close, I couldn’t help but think about my habits and this question. Was I doing this out of loneliness? I knew I had unconditionally loved the man, but was I still jamming a rugged shaped puzzle piece into a smooth shaped open space? It sure felt like it. In that moment, I found Abraham Hicks. Abraham found me. Pretty sure this sounds a bit cult-y, but as I listened and read more of her work and studied her theory in which if we can only move forward as we flow with life downstream that everything we’ve ever desired and wanted will appear in our lives. I believe it. But how the hell does that work for relationships? This is basically based on if you feel like you’re traveling upstream or downstream. You’ll know, trust me— you already do know. You may just be like me, and chose not to listen.

Here are some helpful check boxes (if you will) that have kindly helped keep me in check on the path of least resistance in mingling with those of my past:

1. Love your friends and family, don’t always listen to them. This one was a hard one for me to type out. I have heavily relied on my solider of incredible friends and fam. They have been there with me in the darkest of nights, and shined brighter than the sun with me on the highest of days. I value their honest opinion and unconditional love they have for me and my happiness. But they are not me. They have not experienced life through my eyes, nor do they have the same emotion I have inside of me when I know when something feels good and when something does not. The less I have found that I care about the opinion of others the easier it is to hear the voice inside of me. Be appreciative of the advice and support, but be brave enough to sit with yourself and gauge what is the best course of action. This is your life, make decisions for your greatest good, the universe will support you in all the ways in getting there.

 
2. If it feels good, do it. If it doesn’t feel good, DONT. If being back together feels like you’re traveling upstream, and that you’ve jumped in a time machine to the past of same old sh*t, it’s not right…RUN. I do believe that time heals all and that there is never a moment you are somewhere you’re not meant to be. It just doesn’t work that way. There is the probability that down the road (prepare yourself, the secret romantic Katlyn is about to come out here) as we each evolve in our own time spent apart that the universe may allow our paths to cross again; however on the other end, we may continue to evolve and one day look back to see that these people were simply lessons along the way to help us appreciate the bigger prize on its way to us. As Abraham notably mentions, if two people have grown and are aligned then it doesn’t feel like you’re going backwards to your past relationship, it feels as if you are heading both in the same least resistant direction. Utilize this gauge, it’s one of the most powerful tools we can tap into. And stop shoving that puzzle piece into that damn open spot just to claim that it’s complete. Figure out what incentive you get out of going upstream, it’s exhausting and only prolonging you from getting all you want.

3. Speak your truth. This is the MVP of all pieces of advice. Let me break this down. The truth will set you motherf*ckin’ FREE. Period. Like the way Tom Petty “freefalling” makes you feel on a summer day with the windows down. I’m so sad to say I haven’t implemented this into my life until my 30’s. YES, don’t wait that long. Your truth is solid GOLD. and if you can find the balance in conveying your truth in an appropriate non confrontational way, you’re the Chris Angel in unlocking the 17 chains you’ve had on yourself your entire life. It ain’t easy, let me tell you. It makes you sweat, stutter and squirm all at the same time, but the weight you release when you do speak your truth is SO powerful. I admire those who are bold enough to speak their truth, set boundaries, and be so certain of their worth. They have always been the type of peeps I aspire to be, and have first hand taught me what it’s like to hold yourself accountable and put that price tag on yourself without having to include a dollar amount. Because you are priceless. Let it be known what you will and will not tolerate and continue to watch those who are on your level, hear you, and respect you come galivanting into your life. This is also the quickest way to getting to what you do want. People can’t read your mind, and don’t get into the messy place of assuming because nothing good comes in doing that. Be heard, and take people for face value after they do hear you.

 
How crazy it is that you have all the answers you need inside of you? Spark notes summary: Live your life but take your brain with you, and do your best to rely on your intuition. Cause your intuition knows what’s up.

So next time you ask yourself if you should get back together with you ex, have an honest conversation with yourself and acknowledge the way it makes you feel. May you always feel like you’re headed downstream. That’s when life really gets good.
Sending space beams of light to ya’ll.

xx katlyn