Breakups suck. Like reeeeeeallly suck.

 

It doesn’t matter which side you’re on, cutting ties with someone who was once a part of your everyday routine (for a substantial amount of time) is painful AF. And lord knows, there’s no timeline or blueprint to help you get out of the muddy waters of the past fast enough. I’ve been on both sides, and during these crucial break up phases, I’ve identified that in those hard stages of life, thee most personal development inside of me was unfolding. At the time, I was no where near attracting the partner I deserved, but I knew I was on my way to working through my own sh*t, one day at a time.

 

Is there a specific amount of time we should give our new prospect/ ourselves post breakup? Are we dateable when we’re in recovery?

 

Let me make this real short and sweet, the answer is NO. And give me a minute here to break this down reeeeeeeallllll nice and slow (like Usher).

• The healing process. Regardless if they endured the most painful separation ever physically imagined, or are literally jumping for joy in this long overdue separation, it’s simple…they need time. Time to stand on their own two feet, to be free for a minute, to reflect on the relationship (‘stew’ as I call it), lick their wounds and put on their big boy/girl pants and live their best life again, solo. Let me guess, you can help them speed up the process? You can’t. And 9 times out of 10 you’re putting yourself in the danger zone for being a rebound. And no one wants to be a rebound.

 

• It’s not what YOU want. If you’re looking for a relationship, and this other person is incapable of giving you just that (because they are still cleaning up from the mess before you), it’s just not a fit at this time. Do yourself a favor, and take that for face value. Don’t get so tangled up in potential that you’re blinded to see the reality of what actually is. And although you may align on so many other levels, if you aren’t on the same page ‘intention wise’, you’re bound for a one way trip to disappointment-ville. I can’t even count the times I had sacrificed my wants and needs in attempt to keep the wrong man in my life. It’s painful and unnecessary. Send em’ love and light and keep your eyes open for someone who wants what you want too. You don’t have to settle.

 

• There could still be unresolved issues (and feelings). Letting go is tough, even if the departure was mutual or initiated by them. No one wants to compete with the ghost of an ex. It’s hard to date someone new fresh out of a relationship as they still may be carrying things that they themselves are currently working through. Whether it be guilt, insecurity, heartbreak, deception, infidelity, etc. that sh*t doesn’t go away overnight, and the most healthy way to deal with it is to walk through it, instead of shoving it under the rug until neither of you can pretend that there isn’t a pile the size of Mount Everest in front of ya both. Time heals all, give it a sec, will ya?

 

It can be challenging navigating new territory with a potential partner in the recovery zone. Not to say there isn’t hope that it could ever work, but instead practice gracefully giving this person the space & time they need, as there’s no telling what the near future might look like. Patience is crucial, gratitude for things that continue to feed your soul is key, and trusting that everything is working out for you in the right time is numbero uno. My life mantra will forever be that nothing ever meant for you, will ever miss you. Trust in that.

 
Sendin’ love, light and most importantly healing, because truth is we’re all doing that in our own way.

xx katlyn