Breakups suck. Like reeeeeeallly suck.

 

It doesn’t matter which side you’re on, cutting ties with someone who was once a part of your everyday routine (for a substantial amount of time) is painful AF. And lord knows, there’s no timeline or blueprint to help you get out of the muddy waters of the past fast enough. I’ve been on both sides, and during these crucial break up phases, I’ve identified that in those hard stages of life, thee most personal development inside of me was unfolding. At the time, I was no where near attracting the partner I deserved, but I knew I was on my way to working through my own sh*t, one day at a time.

 

Is there a specific amount of time we should give our new prospect/ ourselves post breakup? Are we dateable when we’re in recovery?

 

Let me make this real short and sweet, the answer is NO. And give me a minute here to break this down reeeeeeeallllll nice and slow (like Usher).

• The healing process. Regardless if they endured the most painful separation ever physically imagined, or are literally jumping for joy in this long overdue separation, it’s simple…they need time. Time to stand on their own two feet, to be free for a minute, to reflect on the relationship (‘stew’ as I call it), lick their wounds and put on their big boy/girl pants and live their best life again, solo. Let me guess, you can help them speed up the process? You can’t. And 9 times out of 10 you’re putting yourself in the danger zone for being a rebound. And no one wants to be a rebound.

 

• It’s not what YOU want. If you’re looking for a relationship, and this other person is incapable of giving you just that (because they are still cleaning up from the mess before you), it’s just not a fit at this time. Do yourself a favor, and take that for face value. Don’t get so tangled up in potential that you’re blinded to see the reality of what actually is. And although you may align on so many other levels, if you aren’t on the same page ‘intention wise’, you’re bound for a one way trip to disappointment-ville. I can’t even count the times I had sacrificed my wants and needs in attempt to keep the wrong man in my life. It’s painful and unnecessary. Send em’ love and light and keep your eyes open for someone who wants what you want too. You don’t have to settle.

 

• There could still be unresolved issues (and feelings). Letting go is tough, even if the departure was mutual or initiated by them. No one wants to compete with the ghost of an ex. It’s hard to date someone new fresh out of a relationship as they still may be carrying things that they themselves are currently working through. Whether it be guilt, insecurity, heartbreak, deception, infidelity, etc. that sh*t doesn’t go away overnight, and the most healthy way to deal with it is to walk through it, instead of shoving it under the rug until neither of you can pretend that there isn’t a pile the size of Mount Everest in front of ya both. Time heals all, give it a sec, will ya?

 

It can be challenging navigating new territory with a potential partner in the recovery zone. Not to say there isn’t hope that it could ever work, but instead practice gracefully giving this person the space & time they need, as there’s no telling what the near future might look like. Patience is crucial, gratitude for things that continue to feed your soul is key, and trusting that everything is working out for you in the right time is numbero uno. My life mantra will forever be that nothing ever meant for you, will ever miss you. Trust in that.

 
Sendin’ love, light and most importantly healing, because truth is we’re all doing that in our own way.

xx katlyn

I have a lot of really smoking hot girlfriends. No, I’m not here to brag, but let me tell you— these girls are 12.5’s. They are salt to the earth, intelligent, thoughtful, undeniably hilarious, and to top it off, they’re the definition of a California dime piece. I’m honored to be in their corner to encourage them, inspire them, and most importantly laugh (and sometimes cry) with them. Hell, I would rip a b*tch out of her car window if she was to disrespect any of my girls. (Sorry, mom)

 
Although each of these girls bring something unique to the table, including myself, there’s a trending topic that has flooded all areas of our lives and the constant conversations…worthiness. The word makes me feel like it’s too simple to understand, yet somehow it can be interchangeably used to describe why we don’t go after all the sh*t we want in life.

 

Person A: “Yes, I believe I’m worthy of more money and abundance” (doesn’t ask for raise because it feels like they are asking for too much)

 

Person B: “Yes, I am worthy of a great partner who is consistent in wanting to spend time with me” (ends up dating emotionally unavailable significant other who falls of the face of the earth for 5 days at a time)

 

Sound familiar? I’ve definitely experienced both of these scenarios and have walked hand in hand with my girlfriends in similar situations. Funny thing is, I was claiming I was worthy of the things I wanted, but when push came to shove, I was backing down the second I had to make these boundaries known because of FEAR. I believe in order for the whole ‘worthiness’ word to work, you need to back it up with some action. Believe it so much that you have no other choice than to teach others how to treat you.

 

How do you do that, Katlyn?

Simple.

• Believe it, and then see it. We’ve got this whole ‘believe when you see it’ backwards. You actually have to visualize it, whether it’s the money or the relationship, etc. Try it on, act as if it’s already yours, envision what it would feel like, and know that things are always working out in your favor. Be so certain that it’s happening in the perfect time, unfolding in ways even you couldn’t imagine. Look at all the badass coincidences that have already happened thus far, you created ALL that. Your powerful beliefs brought you all the way to where you are currently standing.

• Put some pimp in yo’ step. Or is it pep? I like pimp better. Regardless, start workin’ towards goals that honor all the things you believe you are worthy of. Ask for what you want, because if you don’t ask you won’t know if it’s available to you. At least once a day, try slappin’ your fear around a little bit. Engage in a conversation with a stranger at the grocery store, tell your boyfriend you feel like you’re outgrowing each other (if that’s how you feel), jump out of an airplane (with a parachute preferably), or even have a real conversation with yourself about why you hate going to your desk job everyday and what you’re going to do to change it, whatever it is…DO IT. One thing is always guaranteed, you will be rewarded.

• The naysayer will always be the delayer. If I have done anything right in my life, it is accepting that I don’t have to include people in my life that do not align with my growth. If anyone makes you feel like this is hard, they ain’t for you. I wholeheartedly commit to supporting my girls in every endeavor they wish to conquer. If one of them told me they wanted to race Clydesdales on Mars with a full execution game plan of how this could be physically possible, I’d be the first to order team t-shirts and start budgeting to buy my ticket on a rocket ship. Surround yourself with those people. Anyone who isn’t in your corner, or is in your corner when it’s convenient for them, isn’t worthy of witnessing the magical homestretch to all you deserve.

 
I hope you all know how truly worthy you are. 

xx katlyn

 

 

I’ve been on a sabbatical, a social media (IG) sabbatical.

Although at times it’s been challenging (what am I to do in the waiting room of my oil change, the FOMO I feel in thinking about all the fuckjerry memes I could be sending to my coworkers about our job, or even just posting all the cool sh*t I’m doing for the world to see). I have taken this time to be gram-free, in hopes of just enjoying me and my life a little more. The more I think about social media, the more I think about how numb we are to our behaviors. No, I’m no behavioral psychologist, but I’ll be dammed if there isn’t some insane disorder named after this technology phenomenon that we have with our idea of reality, and what we portray on the good ol’ World Wide Web.

I’m not sh*tting on it at all. I feel like I’m able to view parts of the world I didn’t know existed through the click of a feed, laugh so hard I snort over some of these memes (shout out to these meme makers who read my soul) and to the bathing suit companies who continue to target me in all the right ways. I love that I can support small businesses from all over the world. But I do have a huge problem with losing hours on this platform, probably creating some beginners stages of carpal tunnel, and subconsciously discrediting my f*cking fabulous life because I’m not on a PJ, spending a week in the Maldives to celebrate buying my dream home.

Majority of us do it. We become so consumed with checking up on people we don’t even know, that we forget to check up on ourselves. How did this happen? I personally needed a break. So I took one.

What impactful things did I learn from this social media hibernation?

1. I had more time to do sh*t I’ve been talking about doing. There were no excuses, I had the time, I was pretty much isolated from fake news and focused on myself. I felt more in alignment because I wasn’t distracted with all this white noise. It was eye opening that I put some of my totally awesome goals on the back burner, all while picking up this idea that the more I saw other people win and do all the cool stuff I wanted to do, the less attainable I believed it was for me. BULLSHIT. There’s plenty of everything for any and everyone. You just need to sack up and put a plan and a dose of action to your dreams. You don’t just wake up one day and own a business. It doesn’t show up in a box by your front door. You gotta make that sh*t happen. Get out there, have a conversation with a stranger, always carry your compassion, and network like it’s the only job you have. Believing it’s available to you is half the battle.

2. I got back into a relationship…with myself. The less time I had to compare myself to other strangers online, the more time I had to exercise my mind, body and soul. This is my only body that I will have for my entire life. HOW POWERFUL IS THAT? I want to love it, flaws and all. It’s mine! And it’s absolutely beautiful because there isn’t another one out there like it. There is nothing more disappointing to me than to have women in the lime light promote an image that isn’t even reality to them. With all the bells and whistles we have at our fingertips in photoshopping our own photos, ANYONE can adjust their images to be thinner, toner and brighter thus creating this image that we must be perfect, or we’re not good enough until we look like these photoshopped idols. Promoting to young girls that this is what we should strive to look like…an image that is not even humanly possible (naturally) is so F*CKED. Building each other up, instead of tearing each other down (yourself included) is the only way we can continue to combat these misconceptions, and strengthen our most important relationship….the one with ourselves.

 
3. I was more present and SO grateful that this is MY life. I had more time to appreciate how cute my humble abode was, sit in solitude in the beautiful city I call home, make new friends, and show those friends who have been with me since day uno, how much I truly appreciate them. There’s nothing more rewarding than enjoying a moment, thanking the universe for placing you right here and now, and watching other beautiful coincidences unfold. There are no amount of likes or follows that could fulfill me in a way that this does.

 

Will this be the end of my handle on IG, you ask? Probably not. But unplugging every once in a while can be a nice little way to recharge, stop and smell the roses, and remind yourself how freakin’ cool you really are.

 

The most love,

xx katlyn

 

I believe the most incredible situations happen when you are the least prepared for them to unfold. Mint and chip ice cream is the best flavor in the entire world, and there are very few things that make my insides quite as happy as sleeping in clean sheets.

My family will forever be my answer to the “one thing” on a deserted island question. And if you were to ask me if I had to choose between Biggie or Tupac, you would have to also give me a day of the week. Because Friday’s, it’s always Biggie. Any other day, it’s Tupac.

I guess you could say I believed in positive affirmations, as my life felt like it was a total cream puff. But practicing mindfulness at first felt churchy. like DUH, I’m mindful. My mind is always full. In reality, I would run myself into the ground replaying what ifs, right paths and every other one off worse case scenario. We literally do this DAY IN and DAY OUT completely unaware that we are. It’s insane to me.

After reading quite a few of these personal development books by the great Louise Hay, I figured I’d give this ‘affirmation thing’ a shot. What’s the worst that could happen? At the time, I couldn’t meditate for sh*t and it felt like I somehow couldn’t find a moment to just silence my thoughts. I was 95 MPH ahead thinking about picking the wrong color at my nail appointment, how Botox works and if I left a candle still burning on my bathroom countertop.

The more I would relish in worry, the less I was being present and even more so not enjoying and seeing the little signs in life. Signs can be anything to you, that’s the beauty about them. A butterfly out of no where, the numbers 11:11 on a clock, an unexpected green light, $20 on the ground in a parking garage, or even a compliment from a complete stranger. I LIVE for these signs. They remind me that the chatter in my head is just that…chatter. And I’m the head bitch in charge with the microphone running the show.

I slowly eased into affirmations. I started writing a couple of them on my giant bedroom mirror. I would start simple with what I wanted to work on for that week. Whether it be “I believe in the timing and the process of my life. I am worthy of receiving and giving abundant amounts of love everyday”, you name it— I worked on it. I would wake up with a grateful heart for simple things like being alive, breathing, another day of opportunity, and then repeat these affirmations before I even stepped out of bed to turn the Keurig on. And before I knew it, my mind started to shift into this unf*ckwithable place where I opened my eyes in utter awe that I was here on earth another day. It was the most powerful thing I’ve ever experienced.

 
I started to feel like I was in a cult (pretty sure my friends thought so too when they would reach into my cabinet for a water glass to see a hot pink sticky note with “you are amazing” written on it) but I didn’t care, because I knew it was a lifestyle change that was going to only move me closer to all the things I’ve ever wanted. And although you may of been a little skeptical like me in the beginning, questioning if chanting sentences really works (it doesn’t work if you don’t mean them btw) try it out, feel a little silly, and see what new doors open.

 
Here are some tips to help get you into the spirit of loving the hell out of yourself, and affirming all those positive beliefs you have stored in your hippocampus come to fruition.

 
1. Start small. Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor is getting on the affirmation train and seeing results in an hour. Think about some real things you’d like to work on practicing. “Money is currently on its way to me, the money I do spend comes back multiplied twice”. Say this to yourself 5 times and then tell yourself what a good lookin’ son of a gun you are and be on your merry way. It legit takes 5 minutes max, and you probably have wasted more time on IG trying to find out who your ex’s friends girlfriends cousin is. Your energy is sacred, be sure to put it towards your well being, boo.

 

2. Practice what you preach. As you begin to chant these affirmations before you have your Honey Nut Cheerios, start implementing it your daily life. Affirmation above: “Money is currently on its way to me” Example: gets a parking ticket (current real life situation) instead of: “What the hell…$42.00 for being two minutes out of my meter time? Those meter Nazi’s have nothing better to do— aren’t there criminals on the streets” alternatively: “ Universe, thank you for providing me a job where I can pay this ticket. I’m so grateful I can pay this ticket without stress.” Bada Bing. That’s the real game changer. Perspective. The universe feels your switch and bam, watch more gifts (not tickets) happen to you. We’re all being tested, are you passing?

 

3. Believe it. Envision it, cut some quotes out of a magazine that remind you daily of the existence of it, place pictures around your house. Envision yourself living out all your dreams. If saving money to go to Greece with your sexy new Greek boyfriend is at the top of the list, set aside money each month to this excursion, and visualize yourself living, breathing and eating pita and hummus with Fabio over looking Santorini. Sky’s the limit. And do yourself and myself a favor, and don’t worry about the how, just know it’s around the corner as long as you’re working on getting there too. Remember when you use to dream of all the little things you’re currently living right now? Yeah, me too. Let’s take a second to realize that anything you want is yours because you believed it.

 
There’s something bittersweet about closing out another year.  It’s a sea of reflecting on challenging obstacles we overcame, and at the same time embracing the blank canvas in possibility in the next year on the horizon.  There is no set time to start something new, or changing your thought process. This moment RIGHT NOW is undoubtedly the most beautiful & important one. May the universe always be in your favor, and you wake up in 2019 being your biggest cheerleader.

All the feels,

xx katlyn

If I was to join a group of people who met weekly to discuss their addictions, my group would be called Recyclers Anonymous. ‘RA’ for short.

I’m definitely not referring to plastic water bottles and aluminum cans (btw I do recycle, because I love this planet). I’m talkin’ recycling men. Yes, it’s not something I’m particularly proud of in my past assortment of relationships. I didn’t even realize until I was in my late 20’s that I was actually doing it consistently as if it was this pattern engrained in me. There was something comforting in not having to relearn someone. Plus, I despised online dating and if I had received one more DM from some Creeper McCreeperson slide in on one of those apps along the lines of “Hi Kat! Beautiful teeth. What’s your favorite food?” I was going to lose my f*cking mind.

The online dating world made me sad. It was a mix of aggressive pretentious ‘Entrepreneurs’ and sweet souls in desperation for love. It seemed there were two extremes and some of which fell in between. Regardless, even after being vulnerable enough to go on a couple of these dates ( I snuck out the window of a restaurant on one of them) I was always quick to learn that I would miraculously end up back with a gentleman of my past. If I’m going to date, it may as well be with someone I know I’ll have a great time with, right?

I internally battled the backflash from my friends in rekindling old relationships, but it was my life and I was going to do what I wanted to do. None of these men has physically harmed me, cheated on me, or had done something so outrageous that we couldn’t have a face to face conversation again. Don’t get me wrong, there definitely were childlike behaviors in the ending of these relationships. Which most likely was the corporate in causing unresolved feelings to linger and strangely continue to string us together in some way. Clearly these men brought something special each in their own way to my life. But was this just a vicious cycle I had created or was the timing on point and we were really ready to give us another shot?

After another soiree with a man I had been off and on with for several years had come to a close, I couldn’t help but think about my habits and this question. Was I doing this out of loneliness? I knew I had unconditionally loved the man, but was I still jamming a rugged shaped puzzle piece into a smooth shaped open space? It sure felt like it. In that moment, I found Abraham Hicks. Abraham found me. Pretty sure this sounds a bit cult-y, but as I listened and read more of her work and studied her theory in which if we can only move forward as we flow with life downstream that everything we’ve ever desired and wanted will appear in our lives. I believe it. But how the hell does that work for relationships? This is basically based on if you feel like you’re traveling upstream or downstream. You’ll know, trust me— you already do know. You may just be like me, and chose not to listen.

Here are some helpful check boxes (if you will) that have kindly helped keep me in check on the path of least resistance in mingling with those of my past:

1. Love your friends and family, don’t always listen to them. This one was a hard one for me to type out. I have heavily relied on my solider of incredible friends and fam. They have been there with me in the darkest of nights, and shined brighter than the sun with me on the highest of days. I value their honest opinion and unconditional love they have for me and my happiness. But they are not me. They have not experienced life through my eyes, nor do they have the same emotion I have inside of me when I know when something feels good and when something does not. The less I have found that I care about the opinion of others the easier it is to hear the voice inside of me. Be appreciative of the advice and support, but be brave enough to sit with yourself and gauge what is the best course of action. This is your life, make decisions for your greatest good, the universe will support you in all the ways in getting there.

 
2. If it feels good, do it. If it doesn’t feel good, DONT. If being back together feels like you’re traveling upstream, and that you’ve jumped in a time machine to the past of same old sh*t, it’s not right…RUN. I do believe that time heals all and that there is never a moment you are somewhere you’re not meant to be. It just doesn’t work that way. There is the probability that down the road (prepare yourself, the secret romantic Katlyn is about to come out here) as we each evolve in our own time spent apart that the universe may allow our paths to cross again; however on the other end, we may continue to evolve and one day look back to see that these people were simply lessons along the way to help us appreciate the bigger prize on its way to us. As Abraham notably mentions, if two people have grown and are aligned then it doesn’t feel like you’re going backwards to your past relationship, it feels as if you are heading both in the same least resistant direction. Utilize this gauge, it’s one of the most powerful tools we can tap into. And stop shoving that puzzle piece into that damn open spot just to claim that it’s complete. Figure out what incentive you get out of going upstream, it’s exhausting and only prolonging you from getting all you want.

3. Speak your truth. This is the MVP of all pieces of advice. Let me break this down. The truth will set you motherf*ckin’ FREE. Period. Like the way Tom Petty “freefalling” makes you feel on a summer day with the windows down. I’m so sad to say I haven’t implemented this into my life until my 30’s. YES, don’t wait that long. Your truth is solid GOLD. and if you can find the balance in conveying your truth in an appropriate non confrontational way, you’re the Chris Angel in unlocking the 17 chains you’ve had on yourself your entire life. It ain’t easy, let me tell you. It makes you sweat, stutter and squirm all at the same time, but the weight you release when you do speak your truth is SO powerful. I admire those who are bold enough to speak their truth, set boundaries, and be so certain of their worth. They have always been the type of peeps I aspire to be, and have first hand taught me what it’s like to hold yourself accountable and put that price tag on yourself without having to include a dollar amount. Because you are priceless. Let it be known what you will and will not tolerate and continue to watch those who are on your level, hear you, and respect you come galivanting into your life. This is also the quickest way to getting to what you do want. People can’t read your mind, and don’t get into the messy place of assuming because nothing good comes in doing that. Be heard, and take people for face value after they do hear you.

 
How crazy it is that you have all the answers you need inside of you? Spark notes summary: Live your life but take your brain with you, and do your best to rely on your intuition. Cause your intuition knows what’s up.

So next time you ask yourself if you should get back together with you ex, have an honest conversation with yourself and acknowledge the way it makes you feel. May you always feel like you’re headed downstream. That’s when life really gets good.
Sending space beams of light to ya’ll.

xx katlyn

 

 

Let’s talk about your brain for a hot minute.

Your brain is powerful AF.

Other than keeping you awake in the most inconvenient hours of the evening thinking about what email you forgot to send before you left the office, a silly argument you had with a roommate back in 2006, if your 401k plan is really making the most of your investments (cause I still am trying to figure that sh*t out), and most importantly how the hell you’re going to afford to buy your dream condo one day soon.

It’s…A.LOT. I’ve been a victim of this vicious 12 am cycle (too many times) all while calculating how many hours of sleep I’m going to get if I am capable of convincing my brain to shut off within the next 20 minutes.

Mind chatter is consuming. So consuming that we are not even aware we’re doing it. I’m still working on it to this day. But have you ever taken a second to really think about your mind?

Follow me with this one…How did you end up on a level 12 incline to the top of distressed mountain all while laying in your Egyptian cotton sheets at 11:34 pm? You packed your thoughts and walked your worried ass up there. FOR REAL THO. We overanalyze our work challenges, money situations, relationship hardships (and everything else under the sun that could possibly give us the scaries) to the point of no return. In the big scheme of things, we’re the ones running the show. You choose to think your thoughts.

Sounds silly. But it’s 100% true. You choose what you believe to be the truth. I’ve caught myself in the rabbit hole of what if’s, but ever since I’ve applied the theory of ‘you attract what you exude’ to my life, miracles have taken place. If I’m constantly worried about not having enough x (money, love, a game plan for my life, insert any other worry you may have here) then I’m telling the universe that I’m essentially doubting that it will find it’s way to me. As I’m sure many have felt the domino effect of a bad day (bad thing after bad thing after even worse thing happens) you’re trapped in the mindset that the day is complete sh*t and that the world is against you.

UNTRUE. Although some situations are complete dumpster fires, and beyond our control, we’re still being tested. I like to look at these situations as blessings in disguise and challenge myself to frame the situation in a way that’s less taxing on my mental state by implementing these helpful shifts into my daily routine:

1. Rewrite your beliefs. Physically, write those bad boys down if it helps (ex. I’m not smart enough to take the new job, I’m not pretty enough to pursue modeling, I’m not skinny enough to date a guy like him). These were instilled in us in our childhood experiences based upon the interactions we had with others. We were pure perfect bundles of joy out the womb, then when we finally could feed ourselves not only fish sticks (sorry mom), we also started feeding ourselves the beliefs we’ve picked up from our environment and the people in it. Don’t worry, it’s not too late to change some of these. More than half the time we don’t even realize we’ve been lugging them around this long. The second we decide that these are not our truth, and that our goals are attainable and are in fact within reach and awaiting us, that’s when the real magic happens. Believing that you have these gifts from the universe already, and reciprocating gratefulness– this is when you are in full swing to your true self. Everything you want and need exists and is available to you. Envision this and watch it manifest in front of you. Promise you that.

2. Surround yourself with people who think the way you want to think. As my old man has always told me, ” you are who you hang with”. At 19, I thought this saying was silly…I’m nothing like my bestfriend who just did a keg stand at her grandmothers birthday party. Am I? I didn’t understand it, but it’s absolutely true. If you want to not only shift your mind, you may need to shift the company you keep. Saturate your life with big dreamers, positivity sharers, and action taking junkies (like you). Don’t know any? Cool, go out there and make some new friends while learning some cool sh*t about something that makes your cells dance. You never know who you’ll network/meet, the universe has your back on this one too.

3. Love yourself. Look in the mirror and legit tell yourself that you love yourself. Sounds hella weird (and will definitely feel strange when you do it) but affirmations are the key to shifting your thought process aka your life. Now don’t just say things to say em’, say it and actually mean it. It doesn’t work unless you’re willing to work too. Surrender your regrets, fears and anything else you have stuck inside that bowl of knowledge of yours. Take yourself on dates, do things that you enjoy doing, upkeep your health and treat your body like a sanctuary. Because it is. There is only one of you, ever. Don’t steal the beauty out of who you are based on comparison to others. All paths are not the same, we each have our own niche and that’s what makes the world such a beautiful f*cking place. Relish in who you are, there will never be another soul like yours so you may as well continue to spread your light. Plus, if you don’t have your own back, who will? Bring out the self loving Kanye inside of you. I know he’s in there.

We live in a world where we must constantly see something in order to believe it. We’ve got this all half ass backwards. We must believe it in order to see it. Take a moment to silence the yammering in your brain and acknowledge all of the beauty around you in this very moment (the air on your skin, the ability to see with your eyeballs, the birds chirping outside). None of it was, or is a coincidence. We spend so much time fixating on the future as well as the past, that we are not able to enjoy the miracles currently unfolding in the present moment. The more time you do spend bring present, the more these gifts from the universe appear. As the brilliant Jen Sincero has said, “Our entire experience on this planet is determined by how we choose to perceive our reality.” How true is that? If you also need some help kicking your perception into shape, pick up her book “You are a Badass”. If the name doesn’t already speak for itself, the book alone has changed my life and has a permanent spot on my nightstand when I need a lil’ pick me up.

Continue to make your brain your bitch. You are worthy and capable of all your dreams, hopes and desires. Shift your mind, trust that you are in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing and that everything you’ve ever wanted is on it’s way to you.

 

Sending love and light to all of those who are strong enough to swim against the current of self sabotage and into the abundance of the universe. You’re a badass.

 

x katlyn

 

 

Triggers are tricky.

They’re almost like time machines. They can bring you back to a person, memory, conversation, song, a scent…you name it. Triggers can rehash amazing moments, but also throw salt on old wounds. Sometimes we don’t even know that these reactions are taking place until we’re in the thick of them. If I had a dollar for every time I was subconsciously triggered by something traumatic, I’d be on a 62″ yacht with Drake off the coast of Jamaica right now.

The most powerful statement about triggers I’ve learned, is that they are not our truth. Although having a dream about an ex, or hearing a song come on in your favorite local spot, may cause nostalgia or feelings to resurface, it does not mean that it is a sign or indication to open doors to people you’ve walked away from.

In one of my most painful breakups, I remember consistently being plagued with vivid memories of times we spent together. The conversations we shared, and the strained reminder of the consuming insecurity in what was our long distance relationship. God forbid any song came on from a specific album we collectively loved equally as much, it was as if it would take me right back to that time, right back to the pain. I associated so many things with the heartbreak. I was trapped in such a dark place in trying to find closure that it didn’t occur to me that that I was choosing to live in the land of devastation and fixation with an idea of what was, instead of what currently is. As I look back, I chose to swim in so much pain that I didn’t see the ladder 20 feet away from me to get out of the pool.

Finally on land, I’ve found a couple of “landmarks” to be mindful of and practice while navigating through our own personal triggers, aka the emotional trenches. Although we may never be completely indifferent to triggers, there is light in letting them visit and appropriately ensuring they exit. Here are some ways to sail through these uncharted waters while being mindful.

1. Change the f#$*’in channel. LITERALLY. I remember when a single song would leave me 14 miles straight in my commute in tears. Like tears to where god forbid you had hit a block of traffic to see the rush hour commuter starring at the tears roll down your face…it made me even more sad. After weeks of spending a stretch of the freeway on the fast track to stewing in my heartache, I realized that part of me was enjoying sulking in this grief (don’t you worry, I’ll be covering the entire topic of grief here in another post). It was like I was a heroine addict, feeding off of pain because it was the only thing I had left of our non-existent relationship. This is not a ‘pass go collect $200 dollars’ situation, this is simply taking you back 7 blocks to where you’ve enabling yourself to move forward. I was choosing to live there (which was comfortable) instead of sitting down with myself and owning up to the fact that I was getting some sort of satisfaction sitting in a fire. Let grief visit where ever it finds you, then tell that mother*cker you got shit to do and it’s gotta go. Stewing will always be a set back, you’re too busy doing life to become a stewing Sal.
2. GET OUT. Get outside. Drive to the sand, sit on a mountain, soak in the view, let the air blow through your hair, HELL sit under the tree in your neighbors front yard (use good judgement on this one). It’s so essential to appreciate at least one incredible thing Mother Nature has given us, with nothing in return. Appreciate it. It is such an incredible gift that all of these simple things are at our fingertips every single day. As I mentioned before, gratefulness is magic goals AF. In my own personal experience, the more I would appreciate all the little things throughout my day (butterflies in the sky, a green light, that prime parking spot, a smile and a polite gesture from a stranger) the more frequently these little gifts would occur. Attracting more positive situations. This is a recent shift triggers have made me more conscious of, no coincidence in that.
3. Shift it. You are what you think you are. Promise you that, HUNNI. The mind is one of the most powerful things we own. So why not shift it when triggers invite the shoulda, coulda, maybe wouldas in? Sounds so simple, right? We get so caught up in the fear of what will or won’t happen that we barely have any time to manifest what we want to happen. How so? I remember a long time ago in another unhealthy relationship, I would send a text speaking my truth about something I needed from my significant other and in the hours shortly after sending it, I would go into full blown fight or flight mode. How could this not be a red flag, you ask? I would contemplate whether or not my text was too honest, if he lost his phone in the river, if he met some girl in isle 6 at the grocery store, and every other toxic unheard of situation until I heard back from him. Instead of shifting my mind to, “he will text me back at some point” I flew off the handlebars and jumped into negative crazytown. Why? Because I was not mentally equip to live in the present moment– I chose to live in the fear of what might happen versus sitting back and enjoying what is really happening. The unknown should be a beautiful thing, how did my triggers rob me of this without my consent? When we shift our perspective to live now, what path we see ourselves going down and potential doors that are about to unlock for us- they happen. You attract what you exude. If your negativity over here is assuming the man of your dreams has met someone and flown to Greece on a whim to marry them, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Refocus. Know that the universe has never let you down thus far. Shift your mindset, remind the universe you trust it, and that anything meant for you, will never miss you. EVER. 

Although we may never be unplugged from our triggers, I do know that acknowledging them is your power. I still to this day battle them, but instead of being paralyzed by certain ones, I try and mold them into tests. I take them as signs that I need to recharge and refocus in the present moment and spend a bit more time manifesting all the life changing gifts the universe has yet to bring my way.

You are so much more than your triggers. You are your thoughts, so be kind, speak your truth, let the pain stay for as long as it needs to, but always remember you are the captain of your ship and your mindset will always be your compass.

Sending you all the light, always.

xx katlyn

 

When sitting down and finally putting a plan to my dream in starting a blog, I got caught up with staying on track, niches and finding consistency in what I wanted to weight some insight on. Let’s be honest here– I could write a play by play tutorial for how to fishtail braid, followed by a dissertation on why relationships with emotionally unavailable men will only continue to leave you starving. Relationships (connections) and fashion pour out of my being, every. single. day. But what about the hard stuff? What category does that fall into?

 

What about the painful times most of us don’t want to openly talk about or admit? This could speak true to anything we may be going through.

 

I’m currently in the middle of battling with something extremely painful.

I’ve cried to friends, been hugged a little tighter, and am so grateful for those who do everything in their power to show me the light when things do get a bit dark. If there’s one thing I want to be cognoscenti of, it’s that I’m supposed to be leaning into the present moment. Soaking up every second of it. Good and bad.

 

My grandfather “Pappy” has been such a huge part of my life. He built me 3 treehouses from the ground up, gave me an ear for soul music, and always reminded me that not taking things too seriously is the real key to life. Although we may not see to eye to eye on all subject matters, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s always been mine. In my mind, he will always be this 50 year-young grandpa in a white dodge colt, who enjoyed rolling up his sleeves and fixing whatever in my life that needed to be fixed (barbies and even bike tires). Currently, our roles have reversed, as I’m trying to give him all the help and support he needs as he is slowly losing touch with reality due to dementia.

 

I guess I never really gave too much thought to the years passing by. When I was younger I prayed for the day I would be older (to do cool sh*t like drink green beer on st patty’s day) but as I get older, I’m noticing all my favorite pets, friends and family members are aging as well. If there’s anything that brings me to Niagara Falls waterworks at the drop of a hat, it’s the thought of losing each one of them.

Pain is pain. There is no way to categorize it. It aches and tears in the same way. It does not discriminate, and will leave you in some of the most uncomfortable places you’ve ever been. If there’s something to be said about tough times, it’s that they don’t last long. And even in the thick of any painful storm, here are some helpful rules I’ve personally found to help keep me afloat.

1. Cry it out. Whether it’s on the freeway to work bumping Sam Smith at 8 am, or in the middle of a plank on the mat at the gym. There is something magical about release. Grieving is heavy. I still to this day am grieving relationships, both romantic and platonic. Feel all you need to feel, and let the pain go. This is a part of life, and the most willing we are to feel, the sooner we are able to accept.
2. Surround yourself with great company. Have you ever met friends/family members that feed your soul? Yeah, those mother*ckers are rare, like some flying fish (swear it’s a real thing, look it up). Spend some time with them. Get outside, share some eats, hell sit on the couch and stare at each other. Pick up the phone and make plans to be around people who make you feel your best. I never realized how much this time well spent truly helps us heal. Gratefulness is a quality that will seep throughout your life the second you start acknowledging it. Be grateful for these relationships.
3. Accept. Accepting that my grandfather is getting older and may not remember specific details about my life is difficult. Accepting that someone you love cannot love you in a way you deserve to be loved is challenging. But acknowledging that situations are what they truly are, is power. I cannot turn back the hands of time to satisfy my memory of who my Pappy was. I also cannot magically transform my ex into an emotionally available being. That’s not how this works. Embrace reality, as my beloved inspirational soul sister, Natasha Adamo, would say, “Arguing with reality is the cockblock of acceptance.” This was personally always my toughest battle. The more I read Natasha’s words, the more I realized how consciously and subconsciously I was choosing to live in the land of nostalgia, and digging deeper into the hole of shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Little did I know at the time, I was fighting the inevitable…the reality of what was.

 

Unfortunately, there is no set amount of time, or math equation to guide you through the process of tough times. There is no exact outcome of what it will look like, what is ahead of you, or what measures you will need to take to make it out of the storm in one piece. I can promise that one day you will wake up without even realizing what huge strides you’ve made, to find in the mirror an even more resilient version of yourself you didn’t even know existed.

 

Love yourself a little more. Lean into all the feels, but never let them stay too long. Don’t let the past deprive you of the present moment, and when you can’t seem to catch a break, start counting all the reasons you haven’t stopped.

To all those in the storm, chin up. I believe in you.

xx katlyn

 

 

 

 

 

There is something undoubtedly intriguing about a woman with sass.
When I use the word “sass” I’m not talking about the tone in which one would reply to their boyfriend when they’ve been asked for the 14th time where they want to eat for dinner. I’m talking about being bold, in any and which way that fits. Whether it’s stepping into an office meeting in some spicy red stilettos, to walking away from a relationship that no longer feeds your soul in a way you deserve and need it to.

It’s not easy being sassy in 2018. You’d think since we can send friends money through space (couldn’t really explain the logistics of how money is transferred through Venmo) and essentially ordering a stranger to bring marijuana to our front door step, that we could shine some light on these women who continue to own their sass and stay resilient in the making.

I have been fortunate enough to cross paths with those who reciprocate my sass, in their own unique way, and pride myself on having such unapologetic strong females in my life. However, none of this happened overnight. Nope. Each of those bad ass babes went through some sh*t. They have learned/are still learning difficult lessons, and regardless of how hard the fall, they always managed to get back up, twice as fierce as before.
To all my fearless females, I see you. I acknowledge your grit and I commend you on staying on your white horse…even when it is challenging.

It’s not easy speaking your mind, but I sure as hell know it’s harder to keep quiet.

xx katlyn